Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
