but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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