Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
