I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am naked and annoyed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I die, sorry about rent.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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