You smell like stripper and shame
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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