I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
