Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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