you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
