who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
