I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
