I am spending my child support on dildos
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
