If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
