Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
