Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
