I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize