So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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