found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
