i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
