hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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