**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
