First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
