I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
