that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
