you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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