even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
