Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
