My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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