Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
