Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
someone threw a dead crab at me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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