I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
