Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
