Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
