We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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