i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
