So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
