why didn't you poke me back
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
