hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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