It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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