so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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