I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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