My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
