sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize