I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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