hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
