I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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