I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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