Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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