First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
