'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
