His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
