I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
