I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
