I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
