A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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