I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
how does that bad decision feel?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
