well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
