Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Enjoy the penises
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
