she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
