New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
