so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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