i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
