im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize