none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This house was built for laser tag.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
