so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
