Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
