i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize