you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
