Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
