omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He has the fingertips of a God
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