btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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