i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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