she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
