Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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