There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
