Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Randomize
