I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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