So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
