The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize