girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
