They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
