my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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