OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize