I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
