R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
