The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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