apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
