Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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