i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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