I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
