so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
