I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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