I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
