i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
