I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
