i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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