My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
