my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
