omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
