Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
