she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
