Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
