This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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