I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
