Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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