Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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