Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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