I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
