well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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