we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
