I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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