I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
