i jhust puked up my retainher.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
