I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
