oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you win again, gameday.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
