bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
