she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
